Sunday, September 24, 2017

THE ACCÜSED - MARTHA SPLATTERHEAD'S MADDEST STORIES EVER TOLD


I was introduced to this album in high-school by kool Mandy who's talents included squishing fart sounds between her clammy hands. She could also blast away one handed up against a variety of surfaces, both impressive and fitting... 'Maddest Stories Ever Told is my favorite among a slew of great Accüsed releases and without a doubt one of the greatest thrash records of all time! These zombie lovin' punkers laid their contemporaries to waste. Riff after monumental riff, this record is utterly overwhelming. Blane Fart screams like his balls are dangling in a cuisinart. The band matches his intensity 100%. This is definitely the best line up in their 30+ year career. There's a few great covers on here including a faithful rendition of Lights Out by the Angry Samoans. The overall production exudes an erie, after dark insanity. As the opening track winds up, you know you're fucked! Hide in a coffin, crank up the volume on your walkman and pray the rotting hordes pass you by. Brains!

BEFORE CHRIST



















I played guitar in this band for a few years. We didn't last long. The singer and I hated each other's guts. Loads of petty bullshit back and forth all day long. Boring!!! One of our arguments was about whether the above figure is brandishing a penis or a tail... Which do you see? I'm glad we did this band, but I'm also glad it's over. These songs are from a split 7" with a Brooklyn based doom duo called Skull. I'll put their shit up at some point. I'd like to think that B.C. sounded like a developmentally disabled Hellhamer. In reality I'm sure we were far less interesting than that. Anyway, here's where you can get it for free!